Response to Question # 5: "What are some realizations and/or epiphanies that you have had about yourself, friends, family and the world overall? How did you arrive at these realizations?"
Oh, the amount of realizations that I've had about the world as I grew up. One of the first ones that comes to mind is learning the realities about my family. Oh, I never thought that my family was perfect-No, not like most people say. But i never realized how much my family really screwed up, and how much my family screwed me up. My family is far from perfect, but it's almost better that way.
When everyone else talks about their childhood, their memories seem to be laced with sunshine and flowers. I have a couple good photos, photos that emanate a happy glow. I have a couple good memories memories that only erupted when someone reminded me, someone told me a story. But most of my memories are memories of nights spent hugging myself, staring out the window and pretending I belonged among the stars. Not at home in my dingy little bedroom, listening to the sounds of fighting parents outside my door.
But you know, even though I could vaguely understand that my life was not like the life of my friends, I did not understand that maybe-that could be my family's fault. I did not understand that my life could have been better. That maybe, if not for some of the things that my family had done, I could own a brownstone. I could maybe buy some clothes. I could go to expensive salons. Maybe, if my family had been perfect, my life could be better.
But that brings me to my second epiphany. That, there's really nothing I can do. I learned that just last year, and that realization is both invigorating and destroying. I was born into the life I was born into, and no matter what I do i can not change that. I can yell at my parents all i want, it won't get me a bigger house. I can whine about my looks for as long as i want, it won't make me any prettier. See, that was one of my greatest epiphanies. I can say i spent a good two weeks just thinking, thinking about this. That as much as people say "If you try enough, you will succeed," No matter how much I try- I can't change the life I was born in to. I arrived at this realization after having a fight with my mom. I believe her exact words were, "What are you picking a fight with me for? Just because you whine won't make your life better."
And it's true. Whining about my life won't change it. Writing about my life won't changing. Even trying hard, getting good grades in school won't change my life. Until I'm 18, this is my life. And this is everything I've worked for, my family's worked for. My life is far from perfect, but it's the life i fit into. A child can't construct their life around themselves, they're built like a puzzle piece into the lives of someone else.
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