Response to Question # 5: "What are some realizations and/or epiphanies that you have had about yourself, friends, family and the world overall? How did you arrive at these realizations?"
Oh, the amount of realizations that I've had about the world as I grew up. One of the first ones that comes to mind is learning the realities about my family. Oh, I never thought that my family was perfect-No, not like most people say. But i never realized how much my family really screwed up, and how much my family screwed me up. My family is far from perfect, but it's almost better that way.
When everyone else talks about their childhood, their memories seem to be laced with sunshine and flowers. I have a couple good photos, photos that emanate a happy glow. I have a couple good memories memories that only erupted when someone reminded me, someone told me a story. But most of my memories are memories of nights spent hugging myself, staring out the window and pretending I belonged among the stars. Not at home in my dingy little bedroom, listening to the sounds of fighting parents outside my door.
But you know, even though I could vaguely understand that my life was not like the life of my friends, I did not understand that maybe-that could be my family's fault. I did not understand that my life could have been better. That maybe, if not for some of the things that my family had done, I could own a brownstone. I could maybe buy some clothes. I could go to expensive salons. Maybe, if my family had been perfect, my life could be better.
But that brings me to my second epiphany. That, there's really nothing I can do. I learned that just last year, and that realization is both invigorating and destroying. I was born into the life I was born into, and no matter what I do i can not change that. I can yell at my parents all i want, it won't get me a bigger house. I can whine about my looks for as long as i want, it won't make me any prettier. See, that was one of my greatest epiphanies. I can say i spent a good two weeks just thinking, thinking about this. That as much as people say "If you try enough, you will succeed," No matter how much I try- I can't change the life I was born in to. I arrived at this realization after having a fight with my mom. I believe her exact words were, "What are you picking a fight with me for? Just because you whine won't make your life better."
And it's true. Whining about my life won't change it. Writing about my life won't changing. Even trying hard, getting good grades in school won't change my life. Until I'm 18, this is my life. And this is everything I've worked for, my family's worked for. My life is far from perfect, but it's the life i fit into. A child can't construct their life around themselves, they're built like a puzzle piece into the lives of someone else.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Response to "To Kill A Mockingbird."
Harper Lee wrote the character of Scout Finch in "To Kill A Mockingbird" off of her own experiences growing up. She grew up a girl in the south, at a time much different from ours. Scout battled society trying to turn her into a "Proper lady,"she had to battle the people in her town not accepting her family, and she had to try and comprehend the "difference between her and the black folk." The 1930's were times of inequality, and Scout Finch had to learn to comprehend the cruelties of the world the hard way-Just like most of us.
Scout Finch battled society trying to turn her into a "proper lady." Growing up having just her father and a brother as family, she never had women in her life as role models. So when she starts going to school and is expected to wear skirts, she fights back hard. When the old lady on her block chides her for for "talking like a boy," she fights back hard. Soon enough, her own brother, Jem, starts being ashamed of her. Scout and Jem were like best friends, Jem had always accepted her of who she was, a "tomboy," per say. But we all know what happens when you grow older: You change. You change from always being entirely your own, quirky self to the person other people want you to be. It happens to everyone, and it happened to Scout. She battled what society expected her to be, but in the end she had to learn to comprehend the word like it really is.
Scout also had to battle the people in her town not accepting her family. She grew up without a mom, she acted like a boy, and her father was under attack for defending a black man in court. That made her family very controversial in their small southern town. When Atticus, her father, defended the black man, her entire family became under attack from their town. Scout even got beat up in school by a boy who's family was racist. At first, Scout did not understand why the world seemed to be ganging up on her. But Scout learned eventually that there would always be gossip in small towns, and with a family like hers she would have to accept that there was nothing she could do to stop the gossip. It's a sad fact, but true.
Scout also had to comprehend why she wasn't supposed to fraternize with the black people in her town. Because her heart was so pure, she didn't understand why the people in her town treated the black people as lesser than the white people. It's the whole idea of idealism to realism, that's what this response is all about. Scout has to battle the world in how she believes in the black people, against all others.
I can understand exactly what Scout goes through. Obviously, it's a lot harder to have to face society in a small town where everyone knows everything about each other, than New York City. But in a way, we all face the same difficulties as Scout does. We all have to change ourselves based on what society wants us to be. We all have to learn what the world is really all about, have to change our ideas from what we want the world to be like to what it really is like. I think the reader should take away from this that, even when society does everything it can to change you, you will one day be able to be yourself and express your own opinions. And maybe one day, society will let others live the way you weren't able to.
Scout Finch battled society trying to turn her into a "proper lady." Growing up having just her father and a brother as family, she never had women in her life as role models. So when she starts going to school and is expected to wear skirts, she fights back hard. When the old lady on her block chides her for for "talking like a boy," she fights back hard. Soon enough, her own brother, Jem, starts being ashamed of her. Scout and Jem were like best friends, Jem had always accepted her of who she was, a "tomboy," per say. But we all know what happens when you grow older: You change. You change from always being entirely your own, quirky self to the person other people want you to be. It happens to everyone, and it happened to Scout. She battled what society expected her to be, but in the end she had to learn to comprehend the word like it really is.
Scout also had to battle the people in her town not accepting her family. She grew up without a mom, she acted like a boy, and her father was under attack for defending a black man in court. That made her family very controversial in their small southern town. When Atticus, her father, defended the black man, her entire family became under attack from their town. Scout even got beat up in school by a boy who's family was racist. At first, Scout did not understand why the world seemed to be ganging up on her. But Scout learned eventually that there would always be gossip in small towns, and with a family like hers she would have to accept that there was nothing she could do to stop the gossip. It's a sad fact, but true.
Scout also had to comprehend why she wasn't supposed to fraternize with the black people in her town. Because her heart was so pure, she didn't understand why the people in her town treated the black people as lesser than the white people. It's the whole idea of idealism to realism, that's what this response is all about. Scout has to battle the world in how she believes in the black people, against all others.
I can understand exactly what Scout goes through. Obviously, it's a lot harder to have to face society in a small town where everyone knows everything about each other, than New York City. But in a way, we all face the same difficulties as Scout does. We all have to change ourselves based on what society wants us to be. We all have to learn what the world is really all about, have to change our ideas from what we want the world to be like to what it really is like. I think the reader should take away from this that, even when society does everything it can to change you, you will one day be able to be yourself and express your own opinions. And maybe one day, society will let others live the way you weren't able to.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
"What are some questions and concerns you have about growing up and adulthood?"
I'm not altogether too frightened by adulthood. This sounds immature and all, but I'm actually pretty excited. I mean, of course i love youth and all-But I'm not afraid of responsibility. I'm not afraid of taxes.
What I'm more afraid of is the journey to being a complete adult, and who i'll be when I'm an adult. As a teenager, I feel like these are the days when you start learning about yourself and what you are going to become. Right now, I have no idea who I'm going to turn out to be. And that frightens me.
I guess what i require is a passion. For me, there isn't that one thing that keeps me going, I haven't found that one thing that i want to spend my whole life doing. I have many different options, but i don't pursue any of them. Instead, I spend my life wasting away at the computer, or doing nothing but talking about nothing with my friends.
That's why i'm afraid for the journey ahead, because i don't feel like i'm even ON a journey. At all. I guess last year i took a journey from childhood to adulthood (That was in the period where nothing went right and i lost my naivete and i was an awkward, depressed half-child.) But that journey to find myself ended up in me changing. I found myself, but she's gone. I guess the biggest question I have as i mature is: How am i supposed to find myself, when myself is such an intangible, capricious thing?
What I'm more afraid of is the journey to being a complete adult, and who i'll be when I'm an adult. As a teenager, I feel like these are the days when you start learning about yourself and what you are going to become. Right now, I have no idea who I'm going to turn out to be. And that frightens me.
I guess what i require is a passion. For me, there isn't that one thing that keeps me going, I haven't found that one thing that i want to spend my whole life doing. I have many different options, but i don't pursue any of them. Instead, I spend my life wasting away at the computer, or doing nothing but talking about nothing with my friends.
That's why i'm afraid for the journey ahead, because i don't feel like i'm even ON a journey. At all. I guess last year i took a journey from childhood to adulthood (That was in the period where nothing went right and i lost my naivete and i was an awkward, depressed half-child.) But that journey to find myself ended up in me changing. I found myself, but she's gone. I guess the biggest question I have as i mature is: How am i supposed to find myself, when myself is such an intangible, capricious thing?
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